How can I find inclusive and affirming wedding attire?
So often, I’m hearing conversations around what to wear to queer weddings and how to find alternative outfits.
Do any of these sentences sound like you?
I want a FUN suit…
Traditional wedding attire just doesn’t feel like me…
I don’t want a dress, but I don’t want a suit…
Where can I go to get fitted for a suit or dress but by somebody who actually knows how to work with LGBTQ+ people?
I’m having a hard time finding wedding attire examples with people who look like me…
I’m AFAB but I don’t want a woman’s suit / I’m AFAB but I also don’t just want a men’s suit…
I don’t really want to wear a suit or a dress…
I want an EXPERIENCE not just an outfit
So many people are now feeling permission to celebrate their wedding day how they want, but the wedding industry still pushes mostly content that is still cis-het-skinny-and white focused. For a lot of people, especially within the queer community, clothing is such an integral part of how we affirm and celebrate ourselves. Every once and a while you will see some stunning attire, but maybe no idea where they even found it! Of course there are a huge variety of options from places like ‘the large online shopping mall with a subscription for two day delivery’ and other third party sites, weird sizing, and no guarantee of what things will look like in person or how they fit. And if you are not in “straight sizing” and have difficulty with “off the rack fits” (which by the way - MOST people are not off the rack sizing, it’s not just you), it can be even more frustrating. There are so many options out there it can get overwhelming which makes it even more important to find the information you need create your best fit.
*Though I try to use as inclusive of language as possible, sometimes certain keywords may be needed when searching for what you are looking for especially online, such as bridal separates which will yield you more results than something more specific and/or gender neutral.
Thankfully for you, I happen to have a ridiculous amount of personal experience in this! (Thank you lived experiences and hyperfocus!)
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I got married before I transitioned, and before I had language to understand I was non-binary. What I did know was that I wanted a very unique, vibrant blue suit that would fit my “woman” body well, but did not want the typical woman’s cut style that accentuates curves…but I also didn’t like classic cut/skinny fit men’s styles. No matter the weight I’ve been, I have always carried weight in my hips and thighs, and a not proportionate waist, and a muscular upper body (women’s shirts never fit right). I looked around all the typical suit shops, tried on many different styles and outfits, but even if I found one that somewhat fit, nowhere carried the vibrant and beautiful blue that I wanted. That led me to a local custom tailor.
I’ve also been fortunate enough that I have nurtured friendships with other amazing queer vendors in the area, one friend being a very well established queer and trans tailor in Philly. Nik has been so helpful in learning how to shop for clothes that fit my body well enough to then be tailored to the “perfect fit” for me. They also constantly reaffirm everyone that your body was not meant to fit clothes, clothes were meant to fit your body.
I also had a color analysis done by my friend Susan Padron which helped create a base of colors that I knew would compliment me perfectly, and ways of combining them to create my best looks. -
Kinfolk Bride (Philadelphia, PA / carries plus size)
Laura and Leigh Bridal (Cherry Hill, NJ / carries plus size)
The Sample Rack (Philadelphia, PA / carries plus size)
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Suit Shop (Philadelphia, PA / Country Wide / Online / Woman Owned / 10% off using RYLOTTPHOTOS37)
Wildfang (online / androgynous leaning)
Perte D’ego (online / super unique)
Bespoke tailor
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Hell yea - you need to visit:
Nik at the Tailored Collective
Liza Black Bridal
Suiting options - how does it work?
There’s a few basics you should be aware of before heading out looking for your perfect suiting options!
Bespoke suiting is when a suit is fully hand made from scratch for you based off your measurements, and you should set aside about 12 weeks for your garments to be completed. This is made to your exact preferences, and you can customize every single detail of your garments and often have an incredibly vast option of materials and colors for your suiting. These are mostly found by going to specific bespoke tailors, and will require multiple fittings as the canvas is made. This will be the most customizable but most expensive option (~$2000-$6000).
Shops such as Bindle and Keep (queer owned) in NYC offer this - and they can even do virtual fittings
House of Breton is a queer owned custom tailor as well, but would require travel to Indianapolis at least once
Made-to-measure is the most common custom suiting you will find (this is what Indochino and other similar stores offer) where you go to a shop to get measured, you are then told which pre-made standard suit size the store will order for you, and once ordered, a tailor will customize everything to your measurements.
Pert D’ego offers “mens” and “womens” pants, blazers, shirts, and other separates with beautiful and fun embroidery and designs. When you order the size, you follow up with your measurements so they can fit them to your measurements before shipping them out.
Off the rack is exactly what it sounds like; the suit is in stock in a store, you buy, and then most people are going to need to tailor at least some part of the suit for their best fit.
Suit Shop is my personal go to for this. They are super affordable, comfortable and have some give, yet still structured. There is a brick and mortar shop in Philadelphia, and other parts of the country, as well as their online store. Employees at the store will have you try on. Pants come unfinished at the bottom so you will need to finish with a hem on your own or from a tailor. *They also offer custom options as well
Wildfang which is women owned which leans somewhat androgynous and powerful. Offers XS-4X.
If you have a specific suiting look you want to go with, and budget is not a concern, bespoke is definitely going to be your best option. Often you can get custom shirts and other garments made there, also with access to all sorts of fabrics, colors, and patterns to pull together a truly one of a kind look. You can do an online search for local bespoke suit makers, and probably best to throw in LGBTQ+ somewhere to be sure they are familiar with working outside of a standard suiting binary.
Anytime you are working with a tailor or getting measured, there can be a delicate balance to measuring people for the correct fits to create the silhouettes that are most affirming to people (such as not accentuating curves on a body, but also not looking overly boxy, or looking like a suit is oversized).
Fitting tip: you generally want to find what fits the largest part of the body the garment will cover, you can always remove fabric, adding fabric is a bit more difficult. Don’t be tempted to buy a size because of the number you see or what you “normally” wear.
But here’s where the fun starts:
SPRUCE IT UP by layering with fun shirts (whether button up, blouse, sheer, t shirt, bold, vibrant), ties, bolo ties, or a full lapel boutonnière piece.
LEVEL IT UP by partnering with a local tailor to add embroidery details, lace accents or back panels. *This is also an excellent way to have a custom suit if you can’t make it to a bespoke tailor or you don’t need as much customization.
Have you thought about reusing one of your parent’s heirlooms or wedding dress? Use some of the lace or textured parts of the dress to add accents to your suit, or even use part of the train to add to your suit (you can even make it detachable).
Adding a cape can be an excellent statement
What about dresses and…not suits?
Shops like Kinfolk Bride practice inclusivity and diversity, while also focusing on sustainability. While they are still considered a “bridal shop” they try to offer various garment options for those who don’t feel aligned with traditional bridal gowns. (Kinfolk is also housed in the Bok Building which is an amazing place to visit many local vendors and artists).
Laura and Leigh Bridal is in South Jersey also focuses on inclusivity as well as carrying plus sized options in store.
The House of Breton is queer owned and can custom make your wedding vision (will require at least one trip to Indianapolis).
Don’t be afraid of some color! If your personality is bold and vibrant, make that part of your attire.
Adding textures, layers, combining garments, sleeves, any type of shapes - these are all ways of customizing your look and setting you apart from the norm. Similar to measuring for suiting above, you will want to find a tailor/seamstress that works with measuring outside the binary to help complete your perfect fit and look.
Jump suits are always a great option for the in between of suit and dress.
Mentioned above in the suiting section is the idea of a “gownzedo” that one of my friends who is a tailor made by adding a detachable train to the suit that was made from a client’s mom’s wedding dress.
Wedding capes have been appearing more and have been stunning. There have been some shops selling them, but again a tailor or seamstress can also help realize this dream for you.
Mixing and matching suiting and dress separates can create gender-bendy, androgynous, and all together fabulous statement pieces.
Just like mentioned in the suiting section above, a great tailor or seamstress can help transform your garments and combine multiple ideas into your vision.
Don’t discount a good theme!
Some of my clients have had the best time by leaning into themes to help guide them. some of my favorites have been “flamboyant extravaganza”, “gay goth”, a full out Halloween wedding, and Wizard of Oz.
There is no right or wrong way to dress for your wedding, you should feel fantastic, comfortable, and affirmed. For some folks that is dressing to the 9s, for some it is traditional, for other’s it’s statement pieces that show off their styles and personalities. Some people opt for custom suits, but I’ve seen some amazing outfits that were garments and pieces that were found from multiple stores both modern and vintage with some alterations for their best fit. And don’t discount accessories and Etsy!
This is in no way a complete resource, but I have been responding to SO many people about outfits and especially suiting. Sometimes people need a starting point because finding well fitting clothes can be difficult in such a binary world, and sometimes they just need permission to be different than the wedding world they’ve seen.
Additional resources:
Portrait of a Bride on Fire (DC based queer fashion stylist also with a resource list)
If you want to see some of these outfits as part of a larger wedding day, be sure to check out my portfolio!